This might be one of my guilty pleasures…

Living in Hollywood NEVER gets boring.

I feel bad for tourists because they come here with hopes of seeing all the glamour, and what they get is a man that is dressed up in a Spiderman costume, who TRULY believes he is the action hero, and more residents out on the streets than actually in homes.

Sometimes it gets confusing on who is in a costume for a part, or who is just plain crazy…if it gets too confusing, or just too precious to pass up…i’ll take a pic and leave it to others to tell me what is going on!!

My favorite is the last entry, but they all made me chuckle!

Noggin Party-I won’t miss a single one!

My bestie and I at the beginning of an awkward evening...brushed our hair just to spend the night talking to each other!

I pretty much feel like a VIP at parties because I have my own little party going on…in my head!

Ok, that was sarcasm.  The “friends” that reside in my head are insecurity, self-depracation and doubt.  They are extremely rude when other people are trying to hold a conversation with me…always butting in, speaking really loudly, getting in the way of me adding to the real-world conversation.  They definitely are the perfect equation for awkwardness at any social gathering.  The only conversation they seem to encourage is the one with my phone, which doesn’t help the situation.

I have found though that they are not the best swimmers.  Pour a little vodka on them, and they drown right out. So if I don’t want to sink silently into the night and leave everyone wondering who brought the akward girl…I might have a little drink or two.  I just have to be careful as there is a balance…the crazy little caterpillars, insecurity, self-depracation and doubt, with enough cocoon made of vodka poured on their heads turn into slutty, sleazy and easy lil flitter-flies…and we don’t need to go through that phase…AGAIN!

Dating is tough in LA

Let’s get this out of the way…I could be less single if someone would just club me over the head and resuscitate me when we were in a committed, monogamous relationship. I’m HORRIBLE at first dates.  I know some claim to be bad…I’m just beyond the worst.  I will accept a date, then depending on how many days I have to ponder this acceptance, will have day and nightmares that are not without a profuse amount of sweating.  The anxiety builds and it becomes so overwhelming that I cancel last minute…that’s why I normally have to drink a healthy amount just do get over that anxiety hump. (OK, Pun Intended)

Lately though, I have been working through this and have managed to force myself with a few potential life-mates….(generously speaking).  Recently fumbled through the first few awkward phone calls with a potential and we managed to decide on heading out to a cinema.

There were some movies in the schedule I wanted to see so I emptied out my biggest purse, reviewed my options, picked out an outfit and started my obsession. Luckily, we made plans for the next day, so there wasn’t much necessary sweating involved.  He had offered to pick me up, which is such a rare quality in this town…courting, I thought, had died here many years ago, but when I mentioned that I wanted to go get movie treats, his response was, um, that isn’t in my diet…

Not having movie treats is anti-American, right then and there I knew he wasn’t for me………WHY ELSE WERE BIG PURSES INVENTED…duh! I won’t be going out with that milk-dud again:(…so much for all that effort!

I feel light headed and I haven’t even started thee flush

I have to find some way to get off the cookies…they are ruining my everything!  I’m not saying cookies are bad, I’m saying my current relationship with the cookies is bad.  And I don’t want to get to that point, I respect them and their place in society.  I just see them taking all the same turns as every romantic relationship I have ever had….In the beginning, dressing up is still fun and there is occasion for it, you really relish every first moment…you talk about it with your friends.  Then eventually, your wearing sweatpants all the time, you don’t even really want them around, but you are used to having them around, so you still nibble on them a bit.  You start to settle on sale cookies, and I don’t want to settle…I want a spectacular cookie, and if I have to wait around for it till my body is back to bangin shape…I will!

I get to this point probably once a year or so where I get disgusted with my diet.  Maintaining a daily intake of calories is one of my OCD issues, but I also love sweets, so if I have any, it is in exchange of healthy, nourishing food.  Pretty soon, all I’m eating is sweets because they are easy to grab, there are insane cravings for them, and they are just tasty! But there are sooo many downsides, my brain slows. way. down., sleep is not as fulfilling, and I just feel bad about myself.  I also start to become an unhealthy exerciser.  I get insane about it which just adds to the downward spiral.

Easily annoyed with my own imperfection, and feeling unhealthy, I stomp my foot (to myself cuz I’m single, thanks for the reminder), and make a change.  I have tried many tactics to break my addiction, but the one that is tried and true for me, is doing a liver flush.  Mostly because it is pretty balanced and makes sense.  I am not forced to drink lemons and maple syrup for a an eternity, or just meditate and smell food through the hunger until you have a complete break and even start chewing on your chocolate colored couch because, well, you know…

Even though there is still some sustenance involved, just purchasing the ingredients invoked delirium of the third degree.  I picked up the organic apple juice with complimentary cold sweats, veggies came with light-headedness and I can’t even talk about what happened with the epsom salt…..but I have to do it.  I consider this cleanse therapy and can’t wait to truly enjoy my black and white cookie again….Day one, lezdothis!